Why do we live where we do?
By Karina | September 26, 2011
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we live (and work) where we do. Partly it’s because we have been really slapped in the face that our location is really not conducive to a smooth environmental lifestyle - in the recent hurricane/tropical storm, there was a period of 36 hours where we couldn’t leave the county - 24 hours were a state of emergency, but then after that, we had a solid 12 hours where so many roads were flooded, washed out, or entirely covered in mud that with all the closings we were better off staying put and waiting for the roads to clear. On top of that the train line to our house was washed out and buckled in many places, and trains didn’t run to our town for a solid three weeks (though they did implement busing from our local station to a nearby station after two weeks - and the final date of repair is still up in the air).
Our jobs are pretty far away - mine is 45 miles away in northern NJ, and my partner has a 2 hour door-to-door commute to get to his job in Soho (NYC). With the disruption to transit options, we were scrambling for options.
So I started to wonder: why do we choose to live where we do? I narrowed it down to three reasons:
- Family
- Job
- Lifestyle
Even when it doesn’t seem like a choice, it generally is - but some choices we feel less empowered in making than others. I would like to explore these reasons in a few posts - so I’ll start with Family today.
My partner and I live so far away from our jobs because of FAMILY - most specifically, his family. His kids live in the same town that we do and we split custody with their mother. Because we live so close (just a couple of miles away, and in the same school district) we see them almost exactly half-time. So when we got serious and I moved up here, it was because of FAMILY.
So I decided to track it back a little farther - I asked my partner why he and his ex moved to this area, and it was because of family again: most specifically her family. Her family has roots farming this area back for over a hundred years, and there are lots of cousins and uncles and parents in the neighborhood. Also they were able to build their home on a plot of land that was once part of the family farm, so there was a family-driven financial incentive there, too.
Just before I moved to the area my partners parents moved to town too - so they could be closer to my partner and the kids - so there’s another couple of people in town because of family as well!
I’ve never moved anywhere because of my family - I have moved for job and lifestyle, but I’ve never moved back home after college, or moved in with my parents again, so it’s kind of crazy to be in a place because of someone ELSES family. I really never thought this is how I would make my decision on where to settle!
But all things considered (i.e., the commute, mostly) it’s a nice area to live, and we plan on staying here for a good long time. And believe me, I am so thankful there’s so much family here - it makes handling the kid routine and the long commutes possible. Without what we affectionately call “the gramma brigade,” we would have a much harder time with the busy commutes and careers that we all (the kid’s mom included) have.
Do you live where you do for family? Tell your story in the comments!
(I’ll be talking about job and lifestyle in another post soon!)
[[Photo from flickr user Steve Snodgrass via creative commons license.]]
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It’s family for me these days, too. As I get older I more greatly appreciate the foundation of family. Where it wasn’t always like that, these days everything else is built around kinfolk.
i wanted to go south when i retired, really thought i would at one point, my sister in florida looked around for suitable sites for me to look at, but then i would greatly miss my two children and grandson, so i have opt to stay where i am, just dreading winters a little more each year!
I hear that. It rains a lot here in the valley. On the other hand I get to see my daughter and grandson almost every day. I wonder, though, are we using family as an excuse because we’re just too tired to pack up and move? :)
I have to say - I am about 1 1/2 hrs away from my family (the closest I’ve ever been in my adult life) and it’s nice. not the same as they have it (all living on top of each other as they do) but it’s great to be able to go up for a day visit and not feel totally worn out by travel.
Great read!
I didn’t live near my family until going through a divorce. My parents were relocating to a region of the country I really liked. We all checked out the area and decided to make the move. Since my parents were near retirement and I still a single working mom, we decided to buy a duplex together. They have one of the units, I the other. The arrangement has worked out beautifully! They were there when my children got home from school and when I had to work late, and I have been able to be there for them as their physical abilities decline. Financially, it has been a win-win for everyone.
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